Life hurts

I'm hurting and I can't stand here and lie about it.  When your husband tells you he no longer wants to be married and you aren't even one year into the marriage, that's a serious problem.  Why... why did I choose to come back to this?  Part of me thinks that I was such an idiot to believe that it would all change with getting married.  It was my choice last year and now we are back to where we were.  It hurts so bad.  I love him so much.  The next six months and even a year are going to bring massive amount of changes to this family, without even throwing in the possibility of divorce.  


What can I do?  I am going to continue to work on myself. I have actually already placed a phone call to a counselor.  I started going to a class on blended families and  honestly it was quite eye opening.  It helps to know that other people go through the same thing and to hear how some of them have dealt with situations.  I am going to continue to blog and journal about it, so that I can understand myself more too.  I know there are areas that I struggle big time with.  


Some of those areas are:
-being content (happy) without looking for something else to aim for or do
-understanding and submitting to my husband without questioning. 

Ephesians 5:21-26

 ²¹Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

 ²²Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

 ²³For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

 ²⁴Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

 ²⁵Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

-work on my trust issues (trusting in God, trusting in my husband and trusting in myself)

-stabilize my moods

-Raise my children in a good environment, putting on a unified front with my husband

I am (as he pointed out) a dreamer.  Which is totally true.  I envision what I want and try to go out and get it without plotting out a good course or taking the time to build that bridge to what I want.... I decide what I want and then I want it now.  That doesn't work very well in life, in a relationship, in anything.  

My goal is to go back to square one that we were on last year and look at promises that we made to each other.  I am willing to work and I am willing to change in order to keep my family together.  I have dreams about us growing old together and I don't want to give that up.  I can not live in fear...