What is disillusionment?
A feeling of disappointment, akin to depression, arising from the realisation that something is not what it was expected or believed to be, possibly accompanied by philosophical angst from having one's beliefs challenged.
Most people give up in the disillusionment stage. Anger, guilt, jealousy and love are the foundations of a blended family. The family is bonded together with multiple hurts, histories. Set realistic expectations. Don't come in thinking that you know and love the kids the same as your own kids. You don't.....build up to that. And that will take years. A marriage isn't going to be easy with this baggage. It needs to be worked on with love and understanding and grace.
Who is winning in this relationship? It's not a competition. It's a team effort. There are emotional struggles and family members work on building relationships.
Think of a ladder. If your own child was to climb the ladder, would they jump off into your arms at even the tallest rung? Absolutely! They know the history with you. They know that you will catch them. They TRUST you! What about the other children? They have climbed up that ladder and then as they jumped, the arms of who they trusted were pulled back. They hit the ground...... it hurts and inside they are bruised up. Do you think they want to climb back up that ladder because you say you're different? No way! They need to establish that trust and respect FIRST and to see that you will be there supporting them and catching them.
How about your spouse? Have they jumped off the ladder and broken their arm, shattered their heart? They already took one leap by marrying you....... now what?!?
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